Thursday, May 2, 2013

I Grew Afraid



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I sat in front of the computer for a long time. It used to sing sweet songs of lyricism in the poets venue. It sang often and I listened. And as I wrote, I felt the need to get "better" at it. I started to listen harder, not more deeply, only harder, to discern the voice and let it speak.

I got better. People liked my work. Or so they told me. I got better still.

I was still listening harder. Not more deeply.

I got my first criticism. I got my first rejection.

I grew afraid.

Don't we all grow afraid?  I was afraid that it wasn't good enough.

I was afraid that that was all there was.

I was afraid to write.

I stepped away from the computer and tended my garden for awhile. It sang sweet songs, simple songs to me. I listened deeply. And the tears fell out of the pockets of my eyes. I felt the wind touch my cheek and then I sang.  I sang back to the trees and the ground and to the buds in the morning dew.

copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt 2013

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7 comments:

  1. UnknownMay 2, 2013 at 6:35 PM

    Beautifully said. Your post is as poetic as your poetry. You captured the fear and uncertainty perfectly. Rejection is tough, but we just have to keep going. You've got the talent to touch people. Don't forget that.

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    1. Audrey Howitt aka DivaloungerMay 2, 2013 at 6:46 PM

      Thank you Victoria--I feel like something has to shift--I am hoping it does so soon!

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    2. UnknownMay 2, 2013 at 8:55 PM

      Wishing you the best with that! I could use a shift, too! :-)

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  2. SannelMay 2, 2013 at 11:22 PM

    Tending the Earth, mending the Spirit! Tending the garden can bring such miraculous healing to our soul. Sometimes, growing afraid is a good thing. It gives us strength to overcome our fears and have a whole new world open up to us. Best of luck! :-)

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  3. Susan ZutautasMay 3, 2013 at 4:22 AM

    Criticism is hard to take and rejection even harder. I like how you've put into words how you're feeling. Vicki said it best "You've got the talent to touch people."

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    Replies
    1. Audrey Howitt aka DivaloungerMay 3, 2013 at 9:09 AM

      Hi Susan! Thank you so much for your kind words--I am hoping to find something in this little pocket I am creating

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